8 things I learned in my 20s
My friends keep saying 2020 doesn’t really count and if they couldn’t celebrate their birthdays as they would have wanted, then they didn’t turn another year older. But to be honest, I actually like the idea of turning 30 this year. Looking back at old memories on Instagram, I’m truly grateful for everything I went through. And since this blog is mainly about super personal stuff, here are 8 things I learned in my 20s.
1. It’s OK to feel lost
You can’t have all the answers in your early 20s. Hell no. You’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to experience a few crappy relationships, for sure. By the time you reach 25, things will get a bit better, but you will get existential crises every now and then — and you will wonder if you’re making the right decisions. There’s no guarantee of that. You will just have to experience it.
By your late-20s, the path might seem a bit clearer — or at least you won’t feel so frustrated when it doesn’t. But it’s ok. You will have gone through an interesting selection of failed projects, friendships, love stories, and hopefully you will have learned a thing or two from those situations. So just relax and keep going.
2. Love yourself even on the bad days
At some point, you stop comparing yourself to others and realize that it doesn’t matter if your childhood friend got a cooler job before you did or if your cousin is already buying her own home. There’s a moment when you’re just happy with who you are. You get to know better what makes your heart full.
At some point, you stop saying yes just to make others like you. You start loving your introverted self that likes to be around people but needs some time on her own to recharge. You are more aware of your flaws and the things you don’t know. You stop feeling guilty for not finishing all the books you own, and you make more time to treat yourself. “Don’t be so hard on yourself” is probably what I would say to my 15-year-old self.
3. Pack light — Travel right
Turns out you don’t really need to carry so many clothes or stuff to have an awesome trip. Back in 2018, I decided to become a digital nomad, give up my apartment in Paris, and travel across Western Europe for 6 months. I left a big suitcase at a friend’s place in Germany from where I started my travels and could get back in between cities — like an operations base for the entire journey. My amazing friends let me crash at their places along the way and I’m forever grateful for that.
I figured I could travel with only a backpack and a carry-on. So I packed a few dresses and skirts, shirts, one pair of jeans, warm thighs for the winter, a pair of boots, shower sandals, and a light towel. I carried a backpack with my laptop, a camera, a kindle, my passport, make-up, and money. That was it. 20 cities and 14 countries later, my carry-on was still light but my personal backpack was full of exciting travel stories.
4. It’s about the ride, not the destination
In 2017 I started my master’s in lovely Paris. I spent so much time getting ready for that trip. From researching about master’s programs, gathering every document I needed to apply, doing all the visa paperwork, and finding a place to live, until actually moving there. It was the best time ever. The city welcomed me with arms open. I did the wine and cheese, the picnics, the museum tours, the long walks by La Seine.
And then it was over so fast. By mid-2019, I left Paris and so did most of my friends. We all graduated and got scattered around the world. The best part of it was not on getting our diploma and graduation ceremony but actually living in the city and spending those sunny days hanging out with friends in beautiful Paris.
5. There’s nothing wrong with taking a mental health day
I didn’t really know what a “mental health day” meant until I started my previous job. I was surprised to find in the contract that I could take a day off per quarter for stress relief. I remember being so stressed at the job I had at 24 that I would get massive headaches. I wrongly believed I was the problem and not the messed-up work schedules I had.
By 29, you kind of realize you really need to take care of yourself. And you need to start right now. I have to admit I’m still struggling with this and I don’t always find the time to cook a proper lunch or do a complete yoga session. But at least I managed to fix my chronic insomnia. So that’s one thing I’m getting right, no?
6. Time goes by faster as you get older so just do what you love
Time is such a unique gift. It bends. When you’re little, you can’t wait to grow up and it seems like forever until you turn 18 and you’re finally an independent adult. By the time you reach 29, each year will go by so fast it kind of gets scary. There’s a bright side to it when you can hug and have a long conversation with a friend after months of years and it almost feels like time barely passed.
When you realize time is going by so fast, you come to accept there really is no time to waste time doing things you don’t love. So just sign up for those piano lessons, change that job that doesn’t make you happy, learn a new language. Just do what you love more often.
7. Water your plants, water your friendships
Yes, 2020 turned me into a crazy plant lady too. I started with a cute pothos that kept growing and growing. Then I got a pretty-looking calathea before moving to a big monstera deliciosa that made me so happy with its lovely split leaves. Before I knew it, I had 23 pots of gorgeous plants in my 1-bedroom apartment. Up until then, I’d never been able to remember plants need water and they kept dying on me. That year while spending so much time indoors, I finally became a great plant lady.
Just like my plants, I also began watering friendships. It’s true that friends come and go as years go by. Even more so when you’re moving across countries and it feels like a fresh start in each city. I realized that the only way to keep your friendships is to water them. There’s no other way. Even if it’s just a message or a quick call. Friendships need maintaining or they will just die. I’m a bit embarrassed to say it took me this long to realize it. Now I try to water my friendships as much as I can and loving every moment of it.
8. Family is everything
I wish I didn’t have to be in my late 20s to realize this universal truth. It’s particularly difficult to keep the bond tight with family when you’re in a different continent, many time zones away and you only visit once a year. Even if you know family will always be there — no matter what, now I know how important it is to make quality time to be with them. And yes, I will be flying home for Christmas this year.
